The scope of narration fixes it’s eye on a second teenager this evening. Whoever could this DAPPER GENT be?

==> Be the WOMANIZING CAD.

What? No! That’s such a terrible, inelegant nickname. Your name is KIRK KELSO and you believe, without a doubt, that ZOMBIES are the coolest thing ever.

You pride yourself on upholding CHIVALRY as best you can under given circumstances, and are the unparallelled authority on ACTION MOVIES and WEBCOMICS, as well as VIDEO GAMES. You consider yourself quite the GENTLEMAN, which is why you collect FANCY PIPES and DAPPER HATS and think BOWTIES are cool. These things couble possibly the reason why you garner so much attention from the ladies. These aforementioned LADIES being your three best friends. Ah! How could you have forgotten? Today is the day you’ll be playing a game one of your friends has been a ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS about goading you into playing.

Your chumhandle is chivalDisobediance and you find yourself rather uninclined to using punctuation